You Don’t Reciprocate Questions

I hate when I’m inspired to write because of an episode of the Bachelor. I hate it even more when I’m inspired to write because of an episode of Bachelor in Paradise.

To be fair- it was a combination of things. One of my best friends came over last night and we laid in my bed for an hour or so and chatted. She mentioned that at one point she went on nearly four dates with a guy before she realized that she knew TONS about him but that he hardly knew anything about her. He didn’t even know she played piano (she owns a piano and was classically trained for many years…a simple question about her childhood probably would have elicited this answer.)

What the fuck does this have to do with Bachelor in Paradise? Well I watched the premiere today. I don’t have enough words in my brain to address all of the things wrong with the show, but I’m going to try to address at least a fraction.

Early on in the episode Lace and Grant are sitting at the bar getting drinks. For those of you not familiar with the franchise, Lace is known for being a “crazy bitch” because she got too drunk during Ben’s season and over-analyzed everything. Grant, on the other hand, is known for dumping his fiancé to go on JoJo’s season of The Bachelorette. Not even his first fiancé- she was his second and he has a tattoo of the flight they met on on his arm. (He was engaged to the other fiancé when they met on said flight.)

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(Grant also looks like weird buff Squidward)

Immediately when Grant sees Lace he makes an off-camera comment about how much of a crazy bitch she is and how he’d never want to date her. But once all of the girls are introduced, it becomes clear that Lace is among the top percentile of attractiveness in the group. So Grant changes his tune.

“I did hear Lace was really crazy, but she’s really pretty… she’s really fun… I mean why not make things interesting? I like a complicated woman”

Yeah. Anyway, they’re sitting at the bar and he starts to talk about how much he likes her. She calls him out:

“I’m gonna tell you something about yourself: you don’t reciprocate questions.”

He starts to protest and she says:

“You don’t ask me about me, I’m just letting you know.”

He offers: “I wanna know something about you that a lot of your friends don’t know.”

“Ask me a question, I’ll answer it.” She says

When he can’t even come up with anything- she takes a shot of tequila and leaves him in her dust.

I wish that was the end of their story right there, but unfortunately it’s not. I won’t spoil anything, but Lace does not continue to be the royal badass she proved she could be, in that moment.

I wish we ALL walked away in these situations. It happens so often that we don’t even notice it anymore. We’re becoming almost accustomed to the glazed over look a guy gets when you’re explaining something or telling a story. He’s just sitting there staring blankly with no interest, while you get a little more insecure with every word. Half the time you just give up on whatever you’re saying because the disinterest is almost palpable.

Yet- somehow it’s so easy to talk about yourself when we ask questions. I’m not trying to be a bitch about it, but a conversation is sort of exhausting to keep up when there’s no exchange of information. The information flows one way, and the struggle is to constantly elicit more information without any reciprocation. I find myself constantly grasping for follow-up questions because my input doesn’t feel necessary.

Whether or not it’s intentional is irrelevant- the message is clear. If you don’t respect a person enough to learn about them or make a concerted effort to listen, then you shouldn’t be wasting their time.
Ladies, if you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall or you feel like you’re listening to a Ted Talk… Please for the love of Lace… Say something or just walk out.

 

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