On February 9th I remember feeling particularly horrible. It was one of those days where I didn’t necessarily know why I was so upset, but everything seemed to set me off. The biggest emotion I experienced was intense insecurity, just being incredibly unsatisfied with myself. I felt alone, afraid, and beaten down.
In the New Year I’ve tried to make it a priority to escape from these lows by finding strength within myself. I haven’t been great about that, I rely a lot on other people to help me out. It’s ok to depend on other people, but it’s essential to have a sense of stable security from within. On February 9th, I wrote up a “manifesto” of sorts to remind me of the things I wanted to change that were causing me to feel insecure.
I never planned on sharing this, but I’m feeling confident today. Very confident. I have worked on maybe 4 or 5 of the bullets on this list and I already notice progression in myself. While maybe this is a cheesy Seventeen-esque list, I figure if I can get some value out of it maybe someone else can too.
I have made progress with some of this, but there are several things on the list that I blatantly disregard on a daily basis. Change comes slowly but surely, and I’m optimistic. Oh did I really just say that? I feel optimistic? What a breath of fresh air!
Take a look at my list, and decide for yourself. You can follow mine, or you can make one for yourself. You don’t need to tell anyone, you don’t need to make any promises, just refer back to it once in a while to remind yourself what matters. Remind yourself what gets you to that negative place, put those reasons on your list and attack them.
Let’s fuck shit up, I say!
My Personal Insecurity Manifesto
- I vow to communicate clearly and express my needs without fear
- I vow to not invest time worrying about what people mean, but rather will listen to what they say
- I vow to demand respect from a partner, sexual and romantic alike
- I vow not to let the way a man treats me define how I go about my day and feel about myself
- I vow to value myself and celebrate my strengths
- I vow to stop calling myself an idiot when I make a mistake
- I vow to stop apologizing when I’ve done nothing wrong
- I vow to start taking the advice I would give to a best friend in my same situation
- I vow to stop making exceptions for behavior that bothers me
- I vow to stop placing my personal worth in the way others view me
- I vow to stick to my priorities and quit shifting them to accommodate other people
- I vow to recognize when I’m spreading myself too thin and make an effort to lighten the load in any way possible.
- I vow to stop projecting my insecurities into my interactions with other people
- I vow to acknowledge when I’m feeling lonely and learn to be okay with feeling that way
- I vow to enjoy myself and be fully present when I’m with friends, not letting my mind drift to negative places
- I vow to stop being so hard on myself when things don’t go the way I want them to
- I vow to use my mistakes as learning experiences, rather than replaying them in my head over and over.
- I vow to actually take action on my insecurity rather than pushing it aside
- I vow to stop giving in to my vices to numb the pain I’m feeling
- I vow to be patient when I slip up
- I vow to make my self confidence a priority in my life