I’m coming out as gender neutral

One hundred percent serious. I often tickle my brain with the entire concept of gender. We are talking about something that is a social construct, meaning you don’t need it to survive but rather for society by and large to put you into a category that makes them feel safe and cozy.

The secret, my friends, is that if you dig deep enough into yourself you will realize that gender has no meaning. Your idea of your own gender is based on memories and situations that don’t matter whatsoever. Nothing about your gender is fixed into place. It’s moldable and changeable, fluid in some cases.

I’m not claiming any scientific backing whatsoever, I just want to explain how I reached my conclusion. I’ve been toeing the line between genders my entire life. The first 5 years of my life I genuinely didn’t understand the difference between my brothers and I. My mother didn’t force traditional femininity upon me. As such, my gender was for me to discover.

My mother had to take me to get my hair chopped off because my friend Christi and I decided it would be fun to cut each other’s hair. I never preferred short hair, but the act of snipping away was so damn satisfying! I conveniently forgot this detail in my ten-year-strong bout of teenage angst. But yeah, it’s actually my fault that I had a bowl cut when I was little. Because I was too much of a goddamn animal to take care of myself!

My brothers and I fought very violently. We took shit to the brink of life and death. My oldest brother William had a signature move where he took an enormous blue throw pillow and used it to smother me. He would then sit on it until I cried for mercy. Luckily, I cried for mercy immediately. Because my gender is fluid and sometimes I’m a baby girl and sometimes I’m a foul little boy.

Makeup might as well be considered war paint these days. I use it to help me deal with certain situations. Sometimes life is just plain easier being a white straight female with a cute face. But if I genuinely need to get in the zone, get down to business, and focus… I gotta go no make up. The more I look like a boy, the less attention I get. I can therefore operate in stealth mode.

It’s silly. It really is. The fact that sports are divided by “Women’s” and “Men’s” which literally means that if you don’t have a dick you can’t play in the more aggressive and competitive league. I am more physically similar to the average male than the average female, yet everyone asks me why I won’t play in the women’s division of a flag football league I’ve been playing with the men in for almost three years.

Let’s parse that out into a bulleted list so that you understand why I’m insulted:

  • I have recorded top statistics in a men’s only contact flag football league (on both sides of the ball.)
  • I play on one of the best teams in the league and make an impact as the starting defensive end
  • I have played in nearly 10 seasons of this format with 2 championships under my belt

So you want me to come play in TUFF Her with people who have minimal football experience, no prior knowledge of the format, and overly sensitive personalities? Fuck you.

Fuck ya bro