Being tough takes work, it takes patience and it takes time. If you are in a position in life where you are forced to be tough, chances are you’re up against a wall. Most of us don’t discover what it means to be tough until we confront our loneliness.
I don’t mean loneliness because you aren’t in a relationship, I mean the kind of loneliness that comes with not knowing who the fuck you are. The insecurity that comes with every single day of trying to be what everyone wants you to be. The constant tension of fitting into a box. Not knowing, on a daily basis, which box you actually fit in.
I hated myself in my early 20s because I didn’t know who I was. I never had to see how I handled being completely alone. I was babied into the real world and I failed at my first attempts at independence. I chased this dream that became increasingly vague as the years went on. I wanted to write, but about what? The sad fact we’re all afraid to face?
I have myself, and that’s it.
You are given one vital resource in this world and that’s your own body. Your self hatred and insecurity is an invitation for death. Let the world heap its bullshit on top of you, and feel utterly hopeless. Feel like a cog in the machine, feel like your opinion matters to no one but you. Despite feeling all of this, you can survive. You will survive, you have survived!
You are accountable to no one, except yourself. Do not forget that.
I chose to survive. I’ve got a chip on my shoulder, but I’m still here. I am not perfect, but I am an incredibly hard worker who has a lot of passion. Passion allows me to be vulnerable, and my vulnerability allows me to achieve. The further I push myself, the more I discover about myself. I’ll never stop learning.
Toughness, to me, is:
- Hitting Rock Bottom
- Living as a permanent resident in Rock Bottom
- Embracing Rock Bottom’s challenges
- Dissecting your reactions to Rock Bottom’s challenges
- Surviving Rock Bottom, and never forgetting it
- Using the memory of Rock Bottom as motivation and courage to live
Whatever you’re going through, let yourself feel it. Go to bed, let the sun rise another day and each day you’ll inch closer and closer to the version of yourself you want to live with.